How Dare You?

The longer I live on this planet, the more convinced I am that spiritual pride is one of the most prevalent sins.  It occurs in churches, among leaders, in the workplace, and in the home.  No venue is exempt from it.  I have often heard the following phrase applied when discussing our current culture of political correctness: 'I'm offended that you're offended.'  It's a snarky way of throwing whatever issue may be at hand back at the person who feels slighted.  A good portion of people even wanted to change the name of the coronavirus because they thought it was too politically incorrect.  Most simply refer to it as COVID-19 now anyway. 

One symptom for this type of pride often comes in the form of what I like to call the "How Dare You" syndrome.  For example, if someone of a humble nature gets corrected by someone else, they may take a while to mull it over and think about it.  Maybe they did do something wrong.  But someone a bit more prideful might react to the same admonishment by saying (or thinking) how dare you correct me?  How dare you disagree with me?  I'm offended now, so I will walk away angry and defensive.  

Think back honestly for a moment.  How many arguments have started this way?  How many family members or acquaintances hold grudges for years and years because something similar happened?  Maybe it was an insult at a family reunion, or perhaps someone spoke out of turn one day during a phone call.  Whatever the specifics, you get the idea.  And these situations can pop up at work just as easily.  I once remember a situation where two people refused to speak directly with each other, so the other employees had to deliver hand-written notes back and forth between them.  This is a true story!

We recall the awkward prayer of the Pharisee (religious leader) from Luke 18:11 that deals with pride.  Scripture says, "The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other people - robbers, evildoers, adulterers - or even like this tax collector.'"

Keep in mind that tax collectors were frowned upon during Jesus' day, even more so than the IRS today.  Essentially, this person who was supposed to be a spiritual teacher and leader on behalf of God, saw himself as better than other people.  He was thanking God that he wasn't lowly like those 'other sinners.' 

This sounds silly when we point it out, and surely we realize that the Pharisee was really the one sinning in that story.  But this same prideful mindset is alive and well today; people just tend to hide it a little better.  

And when we discuss things like spiritual pride, we eventually come to the paradox as it pertains to this next symptom.  Proud people will not only become offended easily, but they will also often indulge in the fallacy that they are right, while everyone else is wrong.  Sometimes we may very well be correct of course, but there is a way to state this ... and a way not to state it.   Two deacons yelling at each other in the lobby of a church on Sunday morning would not be a good idea, for example.  People witness this, and then the damage is done.  It doesn't matter who is right or wrong in that context, both people look bad.  

"'How dare you," we might hear one of them say.  "You have offended me for the last time" the other person may retort.  All of us have witnessed something like this in the past I suspect. 

Now mind you, this becomes dangerously close to harboring unforgiveness.  Or at the very least, a lack of ability to experience empathy for the other person's position.  It's much easier to simply become offended.

Instead, listen to what 1 Peter 5:5 has to say, "... all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, 'God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.'"


Apparently God isn't fond of spiritual pride either. 

How much happier is the life of someone who listens first, and speaks last.  I have found that people who are humble will often remain quiet for some time in fact, at least until the chatter dies down a bit.  But it doesn't mean they aren't mulling things over, or that they don't care about whatever topic is being discussed.  They just choose to go through life differently, in a way that never seeks to destroy or berate another person.  Their feathers don't seem to ruffle as easily. 

But real life often sneaks in, doesn't it?  Sometimes we lose our cool.  Some of us are simply created to blow our stack right away, and we become calm only afterward.  If we do come out of the gate swinging, we must remember that an apology may be necessary later.  If we start off with 'how dare you,' we can still finish up with 'OK, I see your point.'  It just takes more effort sometimes.  Try to place yourself in the other person's shoes prior to responding with hostility. 

Let's all try to leave the realm of spiritual pride to the Pharisees.  Remember Jesus described them as whitewashed tombs.  I would rather throw in with the humble crowd instead.  I find myself needing to apologize much less often that way.  



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